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Any interaction, therefore, between arsehole and finger beyond what was absolutely necessary that could inadvertently lead to confusing feelings of pleasure must be avoided – or at least never spoken about lest everyone think that you’re gay. Consequently, it was also dirty and immoral.
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Because straight men were once straight boys and while not all straight boys called gay boys (like me) bum bandit on a fairly regular basis, a fair few of them did – or at least didn’t take a stand against those that were.īums, sticking things up them, and the pleasure subsequently derived from such an activity was “gay”. If men have an uneasy relationship with their body as a whole – is it too skinny or too flabby, too hairy or too smooth? – it’s with one hole in their body that they have the oddest relationship of all. And thus, the G-spot represents a point at which two of men’s most perplexing issues intersect – their relationship with their body and their relationship with their feelings. While not quite the Manhattan Project, the same principle applies: you can’t unring a bell. As you know if you pay attention to fairytales, you should be careful what you wish for. Because the search for the male G-spot led men up their own arse and to the prostate. Except these missions were to somewhere more intimidating than darkest Peru.
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Pleasure, you say? Great shuddering waves of pleasure? In stark contrast to most men’s laissez-faire attitude to other traditionally female activities – child-rearing, say – why wouldn’t men want a piece of this initially female-focused action? Men rigorously and vigorously investigated and explored and embarked on expeditions akin to those undertaken by Victorian adventurers.